you guys were way drunker than both of me
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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