I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
