Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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