it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Randomize
