Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
