omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
