when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Randomize
