I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
