I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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