remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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