i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize