Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
