i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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