Apparently you make a good broom.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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