It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
its liver damage thursday
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
