she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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