Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
