I accidentally had phone sex last night
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
