her vagina looked like bernie madoff
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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