it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
