absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Welp...herpes.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
