I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
