she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Randomize
