she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i just sent this text using only my big toe
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
