ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
