why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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