I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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