thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
