I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
