the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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