I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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