Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Never joke about your clitoris.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
