Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
