I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
