first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
How naked do you want me to be?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
