sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
