just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
