Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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