WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
