Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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