dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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