i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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