why didn't you poke me back
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
