After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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