Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
What a dumb baby whore.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
