if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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