Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize