when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
