You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
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