I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
