The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
