i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
