My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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