that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
