...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize