his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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