Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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