Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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