cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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