OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize